These Advice from A Dad That Helped Us as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of being a father.

However the actual experience rapidly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her main carer in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You're not in a healthy space. You require support. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to open up between men, who often absorb damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It's not a display of failure to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a pause - spending a couple of days abroad, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the language of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he says. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their issues, altered how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I think my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."